Stephenthedog.com

Dear Target,

I have been waiting a long time to write this letter. My name is Stephen and I am a golden retriever poodle cross. The common term is a golden doodle but that just does not inspire the level of fear or respect I deserve. “Hey you get off my porch before I release the goldendoodle” I imagine you see the issue there.
Anyway over a year ago my A, that is the guy who feeds me and lets me out at 4am when I need to pee, was in one of your fine stores with R and the swaddlepotimous. They made a few purchases but ended not realizing there was a bottle of maple syrup in the swaddlepotimous’s stroller until they got home. Now I am sure you can imagine that with a new swaddlepotimous you don’t get a lot of sleep and things are kinds of stressful so this was definitely a mistake and I know my A intended to go back to the store and fix things but it must have slipped his mind. He is a lot more forget full lately I think it has to do with the lack of sleep and small people constantly screaming at him. It would have been so much easier if they just gave me my own room instead of bringing that swaddlepotimous home.
We are honest people and I don’t want my A to go to jail. I am tired of living in fear, every time the police go down my street I am worried they are coming to get my A. Truthfully I can not longer live this way so I wanted to let you know that my A accidentally removed a bottle of maple syrup from your store over a year ago. It was an accident and we have continued to shop at target and really enjoy your stores. I hope you can forgive my A, He is a pretty good guy and this was clearly a mistake. I would be happy to come to the store serve as a greeter if you like. I am pretty good a meeting people and most people like me. Mr Mailbox the crazy guy who lives on my street and thinks people are stealing his mail does not like me but most other people tend to like me a lot.
I would also be willing to send you a check for $3 which I think it the cost of the syrup. I just want to clear up this matter. I just don’t want my A to go to jail over a simple mistake. If my A goes to jail I am pretty sure my R is not going to get up at 4am and let me out to pee. That is not going to be fun so for my sake please do not have my A arrested.

Best Wishes

Stephen TheDog
stephenthedog@gmail.com

P.S. I love sleeping on my dog bed that we for full price at Target.

Last week on Aug 11th I was told it was donate to Jim’s American Cancer Society Fundraiser Day. Generally I wait all year for this one glorious day but when I checked my calendar it was not there turns out I have donate to Jim’s American Cancer Society Fundraiser Day as Aug 18th on my calendar.
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?px=18824971&pg=personal&fr_id=34650
I am not really sure who is correct. It is possible that Jim is correct but I am not sure how my calendar got out of sync.
Anyway Jim is competing in the Louisville, KY Ironman triathalon and is using it as a platform to raise money to support the American Cancer society. Please note that I am not asking anyone to give. Generally I make a few donations through the year and this year I will donate to this cause. I feel that as a dog I need to select good causes and promote them. This is a cause I will support
Really how often do you get to force a guy to swim 2.4miles, bike 112 miles and then run 26.2 miles all in one day. I figure if I donate to Jim’s cause that will mean he can not quit and will have to suffer through the whole event.
Personally I have never meet Jim but he was one of my A’s roommates in college. I think for a two year period in school my A spent more time with Jim than anyone else. Perhaps they should have spent more time studying and less time developing “Letter Bomb” programs but it seems to have all worked out in the end.
I have heard a lot about Jim including the time he slept in a bathtub. While most people who decide to sleep in bath tubs use an empty bathtub that is not Jim. Jim slept in a bathtub full of water and ended up being sick for about a week afterwards. Someday I would like to meet Jim and thank him for being such a great friend to my A in college but until then I say “Jim you better not quit I paid good money to make sure you finish”

Tomorrow is the 2nd annual Stephen TheDog’s Chicken Chase to benefit Medway Community farm. The still insist on calling it the Medway Community farm 5k but I am sticking with the chicken chase as it has a far better ring.

This year my A is going to run while pushing the swaddlepotimus I think he is in for a rude awakening as his feet are pretty messed up from plantar faciatis. Hopefully he will do ok though. I don’t want him to suffer too much.

I am going to try and use tomorrow as a jumping off point to start updating here more often. Tonight I just have time for a quick note but I am going to try to update at least weekly starting today so please drop by often and don’t hesitate to let me know you are actually reading this.

I am a dog I need lots of attention without it I get bored and stop writing annoying letters to people etc.

Well good luck to the farm and all the runners tomorrow especially my A. I also wanted to let you know I have a friend Mr. Hamilton running for board of selectmen. Please if you live in Medway vote for him on May 17.

DearBarkington DPS,

First I would like to take a quick minute and point out that I think you are doing an excellent job keeping the streets clean with all the snow we have been getting lately. I know you have a very difficult job and I really do appreciate all your efforts.
Ideally I would be writing simply to tell you what a great job you are doing. Unfortunately this is not the case, part of it is my fault I should take more time to provide positive feedback.
On Friday 1/21 as you know we got several inches of snow. I managed to shovel out my driveway and head to work. The roads were very well maintained as I drove to work thanks. I came home around 1pm to pick up my family and head out to a meeting and to run a few errands. When I left at 1pm my driveway was clear and it had stopped snowing over an hour ago.
I came home around 5pm and found the bottom of my driveway full of snow. There was at least 20” of hard snow and ice piled 3ft deep that had been plowed into the bottom of my driveway. In fact is was impossible to get a car in without shoveling out the bottom of the driveway a process that took me over an hour. Now I realize that the plow guys were just doing their job and there is nothing you can do about. I just want to express my frustration.
I know that I am not allowed to throw my snow into the street so why can Barkington take their snow from the street and shove it into my driveway? I don’t really want Barkington’s snow. Would you like it back? I would be happy to drop off. The Barkington snow has mixed in a little bit with my snow but I think yours is mostly the grey hard snow I now have piled in my yard so I should be able to get most of it for you. I take great pride in trying to keep my snow white and clean, I don’t really want your wet dirty snow messing up my nice white fluffy snow.
Normally I don’t mind Barkington blocking the end of my driveway with their snow since you usually do it before I shovel but to come home and find out you have to shovel for an hour just to make it the last 20ft to you house is annoying especially after the storm is over. Notice I did not complain about how cold it was Friday. I figure you guys are not responsible for the cold.
My assumption is that I got all this Barkington snow because DPS was trying to widen out the streets and was moving around a lot of snow. I support this effort I just don’t really want Barkington’s snow in my driveway. Please let us agree to keep our snow separate. I promise not to put my snow into the street and I would like to formally state that I don’t want any of Barkington’s snow. We should just keep our snow to ourselves.
Ok I feel better now please feel free to disregard this email now that you have read it. I imagine keeping the streets safe and passable is far more difficult than I can imagine and a little inconvenience on my part is just part of the game. I can accept that.
Thanks for your continued hard work.

Stephen TheDog
21 Woofing Way

OK it has been a long time since I updated here. I don’t really know why I probably just got busy and did not have the time and I have also been really pissed off about something.

Dear Frank,

My name is Stephen I am a 5 year old poodle golden retriever cross. I have never meet you and you have never meet me. I am sure you are wondering why I am writing you. Well it turns out my A has been a client of yours for over 10 years.

That is right he opened an investment account with your company in 1999 and had been investing money on a monthly basis to dollar cost average into the market ever since. He was investing in a fund you recommended and you were serving as his financial advisor. I believe last year you were asked to provide a cost basis for his account since it was not readily available to him and you stated “You are doing pretty well compared to most of my clients”

Well recently we were able to determine that actual cost basis for the account and guess what the account is down over 40%. Do you know what the return on the S&P 500 over the past 10 years is? Well is it -.1% just about break even and with dollar cost averaging my A’s account should have been close to or above that level. Had we put in X dollars we should have had at least X *.99 even in the down market.

However this account is down 40 some percent. How do you explain that? I can understand some deviation but the market beat you by over 39% over 10 years. That is almost criminal. At least with the guys that broke into my house 2 years ago I knew I got ripped off.

I don’t even know what to conclude. Obviously you knew least year that account was down and either your other clients are in really bad shape or you assumed my A was not worth your time and just fed him a line to make him go away for a while. Perhaps you would like to provide me with a list of your clients so I can make sure they are staying on top of their accounts since it seems you might not quite have you finger as close to the pulse of the market as you lead us to believe.

Really it is just sad my A, was trying to do the right thing financially and put money away so that some day he would be able to buy a boat. Well that is not going to happen now not with a -40% return. That is like saving so a Ferrari and buying a caprice classic.

As you are obviously now aware my A has closed his account but I am puzzled by one thing. Just before he closed out the account he sent you an email giving you the chance to explain. This was your one opportunity to explain why a larger percentage of money that should be in that account was not there. I find your response troubling. In fact I will include it for your review. You just lost 40% over 10 years and you reply with the one line email that follows.

A , please e-mail me your name and phone # to discuss your account.

Why would you ask for a name you have my A’s the name is listed on the account along with my R’s name? You also have the phone #, mailing address etc it is all in your records which you and your company Ameriprise are required to keep for Tax purposes. I don’t know about you but if I lost over 40% of someone’s money I would not ask them for their name, I would make damn sure I knew their name and would be very apologetic. If this is the kind of kind of service one can expect from you and Ameriprise I am glad you don’t accept dogs as clients. FYI I have been trading very successfully on my own thank you very much. In fact you might want to read some of my old financial Friday’s posts as it seems you might need a refresher in how to properly invest.

Well Frank you are probably sitting there thinking damn this dog is pissed but at least I won’t have to hear from him again. Well that is where you are wrong pal. You have wronged my family either through passivity, incompetence or malicious intent. I suspect it was not malicious intent and don’t mean to accuse you of that. I just want you to know that every time I am sitting on the beach in the hot sand thinking wow it would be nice to be out on the boat I will think of you. Do you know how hard it is to get hot sand out of a black fur coat? Well let me tell you it is not easy.

I would really like to close out this chapter and move on but I will need to get some form or retribution I am open to suggestions. If you can not come up with anything I do have a lot of free time and am willing to correspond regularly.

Obviously when asked for financial advice my first response will be avoid Frank.

I feel your handling of my A’s account was very unprofessional and your final email was just insulting. Feel free to explain if you like, I expect you won’t and will just add this letter to you kindling pile.

Stephen.

In the interest of full disclosure my A did email Frank again and tell him that his previous response was unacceptable. To which Frank responded that due to some kind of regulations he could not email any information about the account and offered to call or mail the information. My A requested the info be mailed and provided his address. It has been over 3 week and we have seen nothing.

Recently Eric the operations manager at home depot got back to me about my A’s warped door.

Dear Stephen,

I would like to apologies for the defective product you received from our store.  We sometimes work a little fast while helping customers in this fast paced environment. We should have taken the time to look over the door before you left . I again would like to apologies for the inconvenience to your and your friend. If there is anything we can do, please feel free to call me at the store.

Eric C

Operations Manager #6251

Barkington, DE

(777)-966-9200 Ext. 300

fax(777)-966-9443

My response to Eric is below

Eric,

Sorry it has taken so long to get back to you.  As you can imagine I have been quite busy with my various ventures and unfortunately getting back to you kind of slipped my mind.  I recently was involved with Sponsoring the Medway community farm 5K which took up a lot of my time.  I do have a little bit more free time now so I figure I would close the loop on this issue with you.

I do appreciate your apology for the defective product I received from your store.  However I don’t really feel that it is any reflection on you or your store.  The product was shrink wrapped and there was no way Pete could have noticed the actual door inside the frame was bent.  Maybe if Pete had X-ray vision he might have been able to see this but I bet home depot would frown on employees using X-ray vision at work.  I think that is just opening yourself up for a whole bunch of privacy issues. 

At this point I don’t really think there is much I can reasonably expect you to do regarding this issue.  I did speak to someone at corporate and they sent me a $50 gift card.  I think that is pretty fair, I don’t really want to go through all the aggravation of ripping the entire door frame out so I will probably use the gift card toward purchasing a glass storm door to put in front of the warped door.  It would be nice to get something with a glass I can replace with a screen so I can get some air into the basement in the summer.  My front door has this type of arrangement so I know it is possible.  I just have to get my A motivated.  Once of the major drawbacks of being a dog is a lack of opposable thumbs.  It is next to impossible to hold a hammer. 

There is really not that much that I need.  I would like to come to your store but I understand that dogs are not allowed in the store.  Since this is not your rule I am not going to hold this against you.  It would be kind of cool to get to drive a forklift but I imagine there are insurance issues with that.  I wonder which would be harder writing an apology letter to a dog about a warped door (you did a great job by the way) or writing a letter to corporate about why a dog drove a forklift through the front of your store (darn lack of opposable thumbs).  If I were you I would probably play it safe and nicely tell the dog that only trained Home Depot employees are allowed to drive the forklifts.  (I think Pete in hardware is a forklift trainer)

I am planning on sending my A down to the Home Depot soon.  He has this crazy idea about building a Moat to keep out burglars.  I don’t know if it will really work but if you were a burglar would you pick the house with the moat or would you just move on to the next house?  Personally I would just move on,  if someone is crazy enough to build a moat I don’t want to see what they have inside their house.

Overall I was pretty disappointed about the door but I have moved on and am now in a good place.  I am not going to stress over it and neither should you.  In life these things happen and while as an operations manager at Home Depot I am sure you wield a ton of power, perhaps not enough to let a dog drive a fork lift, but I am sure a significant amount.  I really do not see any way you could have prevented this issue from occurring. 

I would like to stay friends.

Stephen

P.S.

Would it be possible to get an autographed photo of you or you and your home depot team for my collection?

 In our family I am usually the one that writes the letters however recently my A became so enraged he decided to write a letter.  That letter is below.  I would like to point out that I have changed the name of the Dairy and the Egg farms.  I really don’t feel like getting sued. 

Let me tell you getting sued is not fun. 

/*************************************************************************************************/

The sun slowly rises above the tree line as several cows wander out from the barn and into the field.  The air is still is silent, broken only by the quack of the ducks on a nearby pond.  As the dew begins to burn off the fresh green grass the cows are called into the milking shed and hooked up the milking machines by happy smiling workers. 

One has to stop and wonder how did I end up in such an idyllic place?  From the big red barn to the slowly meandering steam, to the bells echoing from the quaint white church on the hill this is New England though and through.   

Unfortunately I am not really in this place but I have the next best thing I am drinking a cold glass of Barkie Dairy milk on my back porch.  You see Barkie dairy has the best milk around hands down and if you want a real treat try the chocolate or the coffee milk.  They simply can not be beat. 

Yes I can say I am a huge fan of Barkie Dairy milk. 

Recently however I had an experience that was completely out of character with what I have come to expect from the Dairy.  I have been a customer for a little over a month and have been slowly testing out products and expanding the scope of my order.  I love the Chicken Salad and the Shrimp and Corn chowder is awesome.  Based on these previous experiences I could was so excited to get my Guacamole kit.  I love Guacamole and to be able to get all the ingredients in kit format that is just the cherry on top of the sundae.

My Guacamole kit showed up on Thursday and I was so excited, unfortunately I was too busy to make the Guacamole on Thursday so it had to wait until Sunday evening.  I planned a whole Mexican themed dinner around the Guacamole, enchiladas, rice and beans and some tacos.  It was going to be great.  As soon as I sliced open the Avocado I got a bad feeling, it was way too hard to slice.  Avocados should be soft and this thing was as firm as an 8 day old pizza.  I did manage to get the Avocado’s sliced and tried to mash them up in a food processor but I ended up with tiny little chunks about the consistency of couscous.  It was just not good.  Avocado couscous is just not good.

Fortunately as I began my preparations for Hari-Kari my wife intervened and ran out and bought me some new Avocados at the local store which were soft and mashed up nicely.  I was able to use the kit with these new avocados and the guacamole was very good.  However I am very dismayed that the Barkie Dairy Avocados were so poor.  I would say that perhaps they were not ripe but these were not even close, it would have taken at least a week for them to ripen by which time tomatoes in the kit would have perished.   

I guess all I can say is nice try, poor execution.  However this does raise another point.  Personally I view Barkie Dairy as a premium service offering me the best local food around.  (Obviously there are no Avocado groves in Delaware).  I hope my recent Avocado experience is just an anomaly and not an indication of the produce Barkie is delivering.  This was my 1st produce experience and I found it severely lacking so I am wondering if I should try again so just stick to milk. 

It seems Barkie goes to great lengths to take good care of their cows and provide them with a happy life.  Even going so far as to get them water beds to sleep on, this is awesome, if I had a cow I would want it to sleep on a water bed unless it got sea sick.

 I am a huge fan of sustainable agriculture and try to my best to avoid animal exploitation was much as possible and Barkie’s image seems to be in line with that goal.

Which brings me to another issue.  I don’t understand your eggs.  Barkie Dairy is selling Little Chickie farms eggs and packaging them in Barkie Dairy labeling.   Your website even quotes the following

Brown Eggs are local eggs…. Well, you know the rest!

Unfortunately I do know the rest.  Little Chickie farms is in fact local but that is about it.  Little Chickie farms debeaks their chickens, keeps them in small cages and engages in the practice of molting their hens.  Molting is the process of starving hens until they have lost 15-20% of their weight in order to increase egg production.  A little time on the internet will show you a lot about little Chickie farms, in fact, far more than I ever wanted to know. 

I really don’t see why Barkie Dairy is associated with this farm.  It really does not fit my image of what Barkie Dairy seems to be all about.  I am a realist and do understand that the lives of farm animals are not exactly ideal.  I am aware of what happens at cattle feed lots and slaughter houses and yet I do still choose to eat beef.  I guess I made the assumption that since Barkie Dairy seems to pride it self on the treatment of its cows it would only partner with like vendors. 

Thanks for you time, I really do love your milk and am very disappointed that you are choosing to carry these eggs.  I will still continue to buy your milk but I promise you I will never ever buy these “Local Eggs” and I am reluctant to buy any produce based on the avocado catastrophe.

Sincerely,

 Stephen’s A

A fan of Barkie Dairy Milk, maybe produce but definitely not Eggs!

The Medway Community farm 5K Chicken  Chase is over and I am back in Barkington DE.  It was a really great day even though it rained a little bit.  I even got my name on the back of all the T-shirts and I am sure some people are walking around with T-shirts and wondering what the heck stephenthedog.com is all about and why one earth is it on the back of a t-shirt from the 5k I just ran?

Well, If you are one of those people then welcome it is great to have you here.  Feel free to look around or move on no pressure.  I am not selling knives that can cut both tomatoes and garden hoses,  nor am I pitching self help books or a no money down real estate scheme.  You will get none of that here. None of those programs will make you any money.  If you want to make really money it is all about magazine subscription multilevel marketing.  That is the way to early retirement and I am here to help you just send $19.95 to Stephen TheDog and I will get your welcome packet out to in the next couple days.  Once you receive your welcome packet you will be on your way to financial security. 

My A did managed to complete the 5k but he ended up walking which was nice.  I got to walk the 5K with my A and R and the Swaddlepotimous, I have no idea why they insist on taking that thing everywhere they go.  All it does is scream and make weird noises, it can’t even move around on its own. I guess I would equate it to a noisy plant that smells.  Personally I would just leave it on the porch it would make life a heck of a lot easier and much quieter.

My A has this theory that there is something magical about the shower.  He thinks that whenever he turns on the shower the swaddlepotimous stops screaming.  I guess he figures that since he can’t hear her screaming in the shower she must have stopped.  It is an interesting theory but I think he needs to do a little more research.  Perhaps he should ask himself why the dog always wants to go outside just before he gets into the shower.

It took 49min for us to finish the 5k definitely not a great time but on the plus side my A has agreed to see a doctor about his feet.  Your feet should not hurt then go numb just walking 3miles. It was also great to be able to just walk along and take my time.  I got a ton of compliments about how great a dog I am.  Obviously I already knew that but it is nice that others can recognize it as well.  I am sure we would have had a much better time but people kept coming up and asking to pet me and really I don’t want to deprive anyone of that opportunity.  

Congratulations to Ken Jacobson for winning the race and a special shout out to KRISTINA SMITH who came in 8^th.  Not too shabby for a 12 year old I am predicting big things out of her next year.  My A got smoked by A 12 year old and a 54 year old man.  I really better not let him look at the results he even got beat by a 7yr old.  That is kind of pathetic if you ask me. 

I have already signed up as a sponsor for next year. Hopefully they will have a convertible for me to ride is as I am going to make my A run.  We have a bet going if he does not break 30 min next year he owes me $100 which I am going to give to the farm.  If he finishes in under 30min well I will play fetch with him for one day.  Fortunately he is not going to break 30min so will not have to worry about demeaning myself by playing fetch.

Well time to get back to the business of being a dog.  I did finally get a response from Home Depot about the door.  It was very weak and I have yet to respond back perhaps later this week.

Thanks for stopping by.  Hope to see you at next year’s Chicken Chase to benefit Medway Community farm presented by Stephen TheDog

As you are no doubt aware the Chicken Chase is rapidly approaching.  My A has about 4 days left to get ready and there is just no way.  It is going to be really really bad. I almost feel bad for him but then I remember he has been giving the swaddlepotimous way more attention lately.  

On Sunday my A went to the gym to work out and ended up having his feet go numb on the treadmill.  I don’t think that is a good sign you probably should not run with numb feet.  I know my A is planning on seeing a doctor about his feet but of course being the genius that he is, he is going to wait till after the Chicken Chase.  He want to make sure he is good and hurt before he goes to a doctor.  My A does not really believe in preventive medicine.  I have A feeling that after Sunday I will be getting fewer walks.

My is considering loading up on Vicodin right before the race and filling his shoes with Oragel.  I really don’t know how well this will work.  To me it seems like a bad idea I would think the Oragel squishing around in your shoes would be very annoying and I am not sure of the legality of using narcotics in a road race.  Personally I think it will be much worse to get caught by the Chicken Chase doping control team than to run a 1 hour 5K.  Hopefully I can talk my A out of this stupid plan. Does anyone know if you can detect Oragel with a urine test?  

Speaking of running I would like to congratulate Steve Runner.  www.steverunner.com on completing the 114^th Boston marathon in just over 6.5hrs. Yes you read that right he was running for over 6 hours.  Now I don’t care what you say about Steve that is determination ,or insanity, either way nice job Steve. 

Steve recently was talking to my A about having an event for all the people who listen to his podcast and want to meet him.  After my success with the Chicken Chase, since I came onboard  as a sponsor registrations have more than tripled, Steve asked me to sponsor his event as well.  This sponsorship thing is kind of cool it is nice to see people get behind a cause.

It is with great please that I announce the 1^st annual Phedippidations fish gut to benefit the SRMD foundation.  This is going to be a great even. Please be sure to bring your kids to share in all the fun.   You don’t want to miss out on an opportunity to meet Steve Runner and share a few stories, be sure to ask about the time he got locked in a salt mine for the weekend.  

It looks like my A will not be testing the bat detector on Sunday.  He has run into some issues.  He recently discovered the laser diodes he is using are not rated for continuous duty so they dim to almost nothing after about 4min.  Obviously this will not work as a steady beam of light is needed to detect the bats.  He also managed to blow up his multi meter yesterday.  I think he was trying to figure out how much current was driving a laser module and he blew the fuse in the meter.

Fortunately Radio Shack carries the fuses for his meter.  He was able to get like 6 of them for $3 which is great.  I am however starting to wonder why he bothers going in there.  Apparently today they were a little bit too helpful.  After he got the fuses the clerk asked “can I help you with anything else today”.  My A said “nope just the fuses”, at which point the clerk asked if he needed batteries.  Why does Radio Shack insist on trying to sell batteries with everything?  They would ask you if you wanted batteries if you bought a ham sandwich.  How much money is radio shack making off these batteries?  Did they get a huge shipment of cheap Korean batteries they need to move what is the deal?

After saying no to the batteries the clerk rung up my A’s fuses $3.09 at which point she asked for my A’s email address.   Why do they want email addresses.  However my A being my A provided them with a valid email address SPAM@UCE.GOV.   I would have thought at this point the clerk would have been able to overcome the Radio Shack brainwashing, but nope she proceeded to ask my A when his cell phone plan was up.  Seriously?  The guy came into buy fuses and is spending $3 I don’t think he want to buy a cell phone and certainly not from Radio Shack.  Do you realize you can’t even try out the phones in a Radio Shack they don’t even work.  They are for display only, who buys a phone when you can’t even press the buttons and make it do stuff.  “Hey this phone here with the picture of the hot air balloon on the screen is way cooler than the one with the picture of the ducks”

I really don’t like Radio Shack they are just dumb.  I hope the bat project is over soon so my A will stop going to that place.  I can’t believe Radio Shack is still in business. 

If you are considering going to Radio Shack to buy Monster HDMI cables please call me 1^st I will happily come over bite you in the butt and take all the money out of your wallet for you.  There is no reason to spend $50 on a cable.  HDMI is a digital signal you either get a signal or you don’t.

Well I am rambling I should get back to the business of being a dog.  FYI it is still not too late to register for the Chicken Chase.

It seems like my A is in for a rude awakening when he runs the 1^st Annual Stephen TheDog’s Chicken Chase.  I have noticed he has been coming home limping a lot and seems to be having issues with his feet.

Recently he bought a new pair of running sneakers but I fear he is going to have a really bad day on the 25^th.  I don’t think he is anywhere near ready.  Perhaps instead of sponsoring a race and signing him up I should have tried to get him on the Biggest Loser.  I am pretty sure I could have gotten him up to at least 400lbs.  Really if I got him to quit all activity I am sure I his weight would shoot way up.  Maybe I should contact NBC and see what their thoughts are on me prepping my A for their show.  I wonder how fat I would have to get him for NBC to guarantee a spot.

I am sure my A would be happy to eat subway, chew gum, use a Brita filter and load up on Jenny O turkey.  Apparently that is what you have to do if you are going to be on the show.  It is kind of sad that the show is really 1 hour with an hour of product placement oh well it is nice to see ridiculously fat people shrink down to somewhat normal size.  Too bad it can’t just be about losing weight but instead has to be some sort of a game.  I think the game causes some people to miss the point.  Umm excuse me you are 400lbs perhaps it might not be worth it to eat 20 cupcakes.  Really once you cross the 400lbs line I don’t think there is any reason on god’s green earth why you should eat 20 cupcakes.

On a completely unrelated note my A in working on some mad scientist project in the basement.  I talked to him about it the other day and apparently he is trying to build a bat detector.  I guess the idea is to take pictures of bats in flight.  Personally I think it would be easier to just hit them with a tennis racquet and then take their picture.  If he really wants them in flight he could throw them up in the air again.

Hopefully he will stop working on this thing soon.  Yesterday I caught him trying to cut down the lines of code on the microcontroller , he kept mumbling something about it being too slow the stupid thing runs at 16mhz how can that be too slow.  Anyway it was pretty fun to watch him fry a laser the other day though.  He hooked it up backwards and all this blue smoke came pouring out and the next thing I knew I was being sent outside.   I am a little bit worried about him yes there are a few bats that fly around our house but they are like 15 feet up in the air.  How is he ever going to get that to work.  I want to see him succeed but really wouldn’t trying to get a picture of the dog be a little bit easier.  Perhaps a dog detector “Hey look there’s a dog”.  See it is not that hard, I think he would be far more successful at trying to take a picture of Wonder Woman’s invisible jet.

On the plus side the bat detector project seems to be keeping his mind off the huge embarrassing failure I fear he is destined for at the Chicken Chase.  Let’s just hope he does not decide to test the bat detector on the 25^th I don’t think he can handle that much failure.