Stephenthedog.com

Well 2006 is almost over. I have been very busy lately.

I have also been working on finalizing the Stephen awards for 2006. For those of you who don’t know what the Stephen awards are I am acknowledging the best of the best of 2006. The winner of each category will be listed here in the next day or so will receive much praise and accolades.

There have been a lot of folk lobbying for Stephen awards and I am willing to admit I am not above reproach. Hey I am a dog I have limited sources of income and am still trying to raise money to pay off my A for the seatbelt incident. If you are really looking to sway my vote your way please use small denomination bills. Take the bills put them in a sack and leave them next to the tree stump in my front yard. I will be checking the tree stump at 6:30am tomorrow morning.

I need to get back to finalizing the awards, there is much to do and little time to do it. Hopefully my A will go to bed early tonight so I can use his computer. I have a long night ahead of me hopefully I won’t run out of dog biscuits and coffee. Yeah I taught myself how to use the coffee pot last week. I am really smart you know. I actually don’t like coffee but it does help me stay awake. Well I need to get back to work.

Witnesses

Today was a pretty good day. I got to take a nice long walked an played with Both Joey and Clyde. I got to play with Joey for a long time because my A was playing hockey with Joey’s K and R. I can’t wait till my A starts teaching them how to check.

After my walk some Jehovah’s Witnesses showed up. My A always asks me how come I never bark at the witnesses. Well witnesses are men of god and I don’t want to upset god. Now I am not saying the Jehovah’s witnesses are right but, I am not taking any changes. I also like to watch them talk to my A. My A is way to polite to tell them to go away so he talks to them to be nice.

I think it is funny because my A tries to get them off their game. I just sit there and watch while they try to define things like time. If god is all power and omnipresent how come it took him 6 days to create heaven and earth? If god is all knowing how can time even exist since with out predestination how can god know the future?

If we know the universe is ever expanding does that mean, since god is everywhere he is expanding also. Maybe god just had to many Christmas milk bones like me. Seriously if god is expanding what is he expanding into?

I witnesses I think the lead guys name is Martin try to answer this stuff but usually then saying “That is a good question can we come back when we get an answer”

Alright so what do you think of my new hair cut. Yesterday I had my doubts. I think I look better in long hair. The short cut does have some advantages thought. I was timing my sprints around the house and I am a full second faster now. I think it has to do with my new cut having less wind resistance.

I have been running sprints around the house since I was six months old. My A and R think it‘s weird but I am just trying to be the fastest dog on the block. My PR is not 18.25seconds. As soon as Fenway and Joey get stop watches I will know who is fastest.

The short hair is also going to enable me to more easily sneak up on things in the dark. Maybe I will finally be able to bag one of those deer that walk through my yard at night. Every night I try to catch them but they are very fast. Tonight I think I have a chance though I feel good, I feel fast, I am confident. I just need to convince my A to let me out at 11pm tonight. That is when the deer usually come by. Those guys are in for such a shock when I come flying out of the woods and tackle them. I can’t wait to see the look on my A’s face when he realizes I caught a deer and am keeping it in the basement.

I really think the basement is the best place for me to keep my deer. I am going to give the deer to Santa when he shows up. I am sure Santa will need help pulling his sleigh, what with his reindeer getting old. That has got to be huge points. I don’t see how Santa could give me coal if I gave him a brand new wild deer to pull his sleigh. For bonus points I might even paint my deer’s nose red. Nah you know what I won’t, the Rudolph story is kind of silly.

If Santa can make a sleigh that can fly and can make toys for all the little girls and boys in the world, why does he need a reindeer with a red nose. Can’t the elves build a flashlight or even better radar for the sleigh. Santa has got to have sleighdar. I bet he just felt bad for Rudolph and gave him a job so he could feel important. I am cool with that, even Santa needs Karma. Too bad the story got so blown out of proportion though. Rudolph lead a sleigh it is not like he cured cancer, if he cured cancer I could understand all the fame.

Sorry for the lack of Updates I have been busy I will get one out by the close of Buisness today.
FYI dog buisness closes at 11pm

Woo Hoo I did it. Last night I had agility class and as you all know I have been struggling with the A-frame. Mike the instructor guy was supposed to put it really low but he forgot. He always forgets I think he needs to take better notes because he promised me it would be low this week.

Last night I got to the A-frame and took 4 steps onto it. I think it kind of shocked my A usually I don’t go up at all or I just put 2 paws on it. Anyway all of a sudden this really good food showed up so I ate it. The some lady came over and more really good food showed up. The food was awesome I finally looked up from the food and I was on top of the A-frame. I don’t know how it happened but once I got up getting down was easy. I slid a little but it was ok.

The next time my A asked me to do it I just ran over the A-frame. It was actually kind of fun. I did really well last night and was pretty proud of myself. I do have to admit that Conner did ok, he did not even pee on the floor last night. Nice job not peeing on yourself Conner you punk!

I wonder if Santa will give me any points for the A-frame? Unfortunately I think I am still on the Coal track.

8 Days to go.

So today I was thinking my A snowboards a lot and usually when he goes I get left at home. I don’t like staying home so I started to think about why. I think it is because I don’t have a season pass anywhere and both he and my R do. Well today I fixed that. I was able to take my A’s season pass and create my own from it. Now next time he goes snowboarding I will be able to go with him.

Ok it is wrong to counterfeit a season pass however it is an American Ski Company pass. They are evil, really I mean it they are definitely evil. How can you charge $7 for a cheeseburger? I mean really $7 come on, or how about the $3.50 for a 16oz Gatorade. I might expect those prices at McMurdo station but not in Maine or NH. There are roads to those places so it is not like they have to fly supplies in. It is not really even hard to get to these mountains you should see some of the car the snowboard punks drive. They look like they are held together with bumper stickers. Really ASC is just ripping people off because they can. If they think they can get $7 for a cheeseburger imagine what they would charge to a bowl of kibble.

Lift tickets are ridiculous also $67/day for Sunday river come on, that is more expensive that Whistler Blackcomb. If the mountains were equivalent it would be ok but that is like comparing your high school cafeteria lady to Gilbert Pepin of Restaurant 902 Main.

Really with all this price gouging they must have an awesome business plan to be able to lose an average of $200,000,000/year. Maybe not trying to bleed their customers dry might be a better business model. What do I know though I am just a dog.

It is weird that ASC sets their price the way they do and they has the allforone pass http://www.allforonepass.com/ Which is actually a really good deal if you ski a lot.

So anyway I am pretty sure Santa is not going to hold this one against me. Now I can’t wait for it to snow.

10 Days to go.

Today a pretty slow day. My A took the day off from work and he and I went to get some Christmas presents for our R. We got some really good stuff. My R really likes to try and figure out all her gifts before Christmas so we have to be careful. We had to ask the neighbors to store some of them. They were very nice about it and said they would be happy to help. Although they did think it was funny that we had to hide presents from R.

Good news I did not get into any trouble at all today. I hope Santa was watching today. I am going to try and be even better tomorrow. Hopefully I will be able to swing some votes in my favor.