Stephenthedog.com

The Medway Community farm 5K Chicken  Chase is over and I am back in Barkington DE.  It was a really great day even though it rained a little bit.  I even got my name on the back of all the T-shirts and I am sure some people are walking around with T-shirts and wondering what the heck stephenthedog.com is all about and why one earth is it on the back of a t-shirt from the 5k I just ran?

Well, If you are one of those people then welcome it is great to have you here.  Feel free to look around or move on no pressure.  I am not selling knives that can cut both tomatoes and garden hoses,  nor am I pitching self help books or a no money down real estate scheme.  You will get none of that here. None of those programs will make you any money.  If you want to make really money it is all about magazine subscription multilevel marketing.  That is the way to early retirement and I am here to help you just send $19.95 to Stephen TheDog and I will get your welcome packet out to in the next couple days.  Once you receive your welcome packet you will be on your way to financial security. 

My A did managed to complete the 5k but he ended up walking which was nice.  I got to walk the 5K with my A and R and the Swaddlepotimous, I have no idea why they insist on taking that thing everywhere they go.  All it does is scream and make weird noises, it can’t even move around on its own. I guess I would equate it to a noisy plant that smells.  Personally I would just leave it on the porch it would make life a heck of a lot easier and much quieter.

My A has this theory that there is something magical about the shower.  He thinks that whenever he turns on the shower the swaddlepotimous stops screaming.  I guess he figures that since he can’t hear her screaming in the shower she must have stopped.  It is an interesting theory but I think he needs to do a little more research.  Perhaps he should ask himself why the dog always wants to go outside just before he gets into the shower.

It took 49min for us to finish the 5k definitely not a great time but on the plus side my A has agreed to see a doctor about his feet.  Your feet should not hurt then go numb just walking 3miles. It was also great to be able to just walk along and take my time.  I got a ton of compliments about how great a dog I am.  Obviously I already knew that but it is nice that others can recognize it as well.  I am sure we would have had a much better time but people kept coming up and asking to pet me and really I don’t want to deprive anyone of that opportunity.  

Congratulations to Ken Jacobson for winning the race and a special shout out to KRISTINA SMITH who came in 8^th.  Not too shabby for a 12 year old I am predicting big things out of her next year.  My A got smoked by A 12 year old and a 54 year old man.  I really better not let him look at the results he even got beat by a 7yr old.  That is kind of pathetic if you ask me. 

I have already signed up as a sponsor for next year. Hopefully they will have a convertible for me to ride is as I am going to make my A run.  We have a bet going if he does not break 30 min next year he owes me $100 which I am going to give to the farm.  If he finishes in under 30min well I will play fetch with him for one day.  Fortunately he is not going to break 30min so will not have to worry about demeaning myself by playing fetch.

Well time to get back to the business of being a dog.  I did finally get a response from Home Depot about the door.  It was very weak and I have yet to respond back perhaps later this week.

Thanks for stopping by.  Hope to see you at next year’s Chicken Chase to benefit Medway Community farm presented by Stephen TheDog

As you are no doubt aware the Chicken Chase is rapidly approaching.  My A has about 4 days left to get ready and there is just no way.  It is going to be really really bad. I almost feel bad for him but then I remember he has been giving the swaddlepotimous way more attention lately.  

On Sunday my A went to the gym to work out and ended up having his feet go numb on the treadmill.  I don’t think that is a good sign you probably should not run with numb feet.  I know my A is planning on seeing a doctor about his feet but of course being the genius that he is, he is going to wait till after the Chicken Chase.  He want to make sure he is good and hurt before he goes to a doctor.  My A does not really believe in preventive medicine.  I have A feeling that after Sunday I will be getting fewer walks.

My is considering loading up on Vicodin right before the race and filling his shoes with Oragel.  I really don’t know how well this will work.  To me it seems like a bad idea I would think the Oragel squishing around in your shoes would be very annoying and I am not sure of the legality of using narcotics in a road race.  Personally I think it will be much worse to get caught by the Chicken Chase doping control team than to run a 1 hour 5K.  Hopefully I can talk my A out of this stupid plan. Does anyone know if you can detect Oragel with a urine test?  

Speaking of running I would like to congratulate Steve Runner.  www.steverunner.com on completing the 114^th Boston marathon in just over 6.5hrs. Yes you read that right he was running for over 6 hours.  Now I don’t care what you say about Steve that is determination ,or insanity, either way nice job Steve. 

Steve recently was talking to my A about having an event for all the people who listen to his podcast and want to meet him.  After my success with the Chicken Chase, since I came onboard  as a sponsor registrations have more than tripled, Steve asked me to sponsor his event as well.  This sponsorship thing is kind of cool it is nice to see people get behind a cause.

It is with great please that I announce the 1^st annual Phedippidations fish gut to benefit the SRMD foundation.  This is going to be a great even. Please be sure to bring your kids to share in all the fun.   You don’t want to miss out on an opportunity to meet Steve Runner and share a few stories, be sure to ask about the time he got locked in a salt mine for the weekend.  

It looks like my A will not be testing the bat detector on Sunday.  He has run into some issues.  He recently discovered the laser diodes he is using are not rated for continuous duty so they dim to almost nothing after about 4min.  Obviously this will not work as a steady beam of light is needed to detect the bats.  He also managed to blow up his multi meter yesterday.  I think he was trying to figure out how much current was driving a laser module and he blew the fuse in the meter.

Fortunately Radio Shack carries the fuses for his meter.  He was able to get like 6 of them for $3 which is great.  I am however starting to wonder why he bothers going in there.  Apparently today they were a little bit too helpful.  After he got the fuses the clerk asked “can I help you with anything else today”.  My A said “nope just the fuses”, at which point the clerk asked if he needed batteries.  Why does Radio Shack insist on trying to sell batteries with everything?  They would ask you if you wanted batteries if you bought a ham sandwich.  How much money is radio shack making off these batteries?  Did they get a huge shipment of cheap Korean batteries they need to move what is the deal?

After saying no to the batteries the clerk rung up my A’s fuses $3.09 at which point she asked for my A’s email address.   Why do they want email addresses.  However my A being my A provided them with a valid email address SPAM@UCE.GOV.   I would have thought at this point the clerk would have been able to overcome the Radio Shack brainwashing, but nope she proceeded to ask my A when his cell phone plan was up.  Seriously?  The guy came into buy fuses and is spending $3 I don’t think he want to buy a cell phone and certainly not from Radio Shack.  Do you realize you can’t even try out the phones in a Radio Shack they don’t even work.  They are for display only, who buys a phone when you can’t even press the buttons and make it do stuff.  “Hey this phone here with the picture of the hot air balloon on the screen is way cooler than the one with the picture of the ducks”

I really don’t like Radio Shack they are just dumb.  I hope the bat project is over soon so my A will stop going to that place.  I can’t believe Radio Shack is still in business. 

If you are considering going to Radio Shack to buy Monster HDMI cables please call me 1^st I will happily come over bite you in the butt and take all the money out of your wallet for you.  There is no reason to spend $50 on a cable.  HDMI is a digital signal you either get a signal or you don’t.

Well I am rambling I should get back to the business of being a dog.  FYI it is still not too late to register for the Chicken Chase.

It seems like my A is in for a rude awakening when he runs the 1^st Annual Stephen TheDog’s Chicken Chase.  I have noticed he has been coming home limping a lot and seems to be having issues with his feet.

Recently he bought a new pair of running sneakers but I fear he is going to have a really bad day on the 25^th.  I don’t think he is anywhere near ready.  Perhaps instead of sponsoring a race and signing him up I should have tried to get him on the Biggest Loser.  I am pretty sure I could have gotten him up to at least 400lbs.  Really if I got him to quit all activity I am sure I his weight would shoot way up.  Maybe I should contact NBC and see what their thoughts are on me prepping my A for their show.  I wonder how fat I would have to get him for NBC to guarantee a spot.

I am sure my A would be happy to eat subway, chew gum, use a Brita filter and load up on Jenny O turkey.  Apparently that is what you have to do if you are going to be on the show.  It is kind of sad that the show is really 1 hour with an hour of product placement oh well it is nice to see ridiculously fat people shrink down to somewhat normal size.  Too bad it can’t just be about losing weight but instead has to be some sort of a game.  I think the game causes some people to miss the point.  Umm excuse me you are 400lbs perhaps it might not be worth it to eat 20 cupcakes.  Really once you cross the 400lbs line I don’t think there is any reason on god’s green earth why you should eat 20 cupcakes.

On a completely unrelated note my A in working on some mad scientist project in the basement.  I talked to him about it the other day and apparently he is trying to build a bat detector.  I guess the idea is to take pictures of bats in flight.  Personally I think it would be easier to just hit them with a tennis racquet and then take their picture.  If he really wants them in flight he could throw them up in the air again.

Hopefully he will stop working on this thing soon.  Yesterday I caught him trying to cut down the lines of code on the microcontroller , he kept mumbling something about it being too slow the stupid thing runs at 16mhz how can that be too slow.  Anyway it was pretty fun to watch him fry a laser the other day though.  He hooked it up backwards and all this blue smoke came pouring out and the next thing I knew I was being sent outside.   I am a little bit worried about him yes there are a few bats that fly around our house but they are like 15 feet up in the air.  How is he ever going to get that to work.  I want to see him succeed but really wouldn’t trying to get a picture of the dog be a little bit easier.  Perhaps a dog detector “Hey look there’s a dog”.  See it is not that hard, I think he would be far more successful at trying to take a picture of Wonder Woman’s invisible jet.

On the plus side the bat detector project seems to be keeping his mind off the huge embarrassing failure I fear he is destined for at the Chicken Chase.  Let’s just hope he does not decide to test the bat detector on the 25^th I don’t think he can handle that much failure.